i have just completed my last interview for the day and, as usual, i am now doing the autopsy in my head. if i could do it over, i probably would not have been so haphazard, i think. i was rather stressed about keeping within the constraints of time—the session had been allocated 30 minutes and finally concluded just under 60. 30 might have worked if i had kept my responses (real) compact but i do have the tendency to be quite descriptive so that was actually a bit of a struggle for me.

am i satisfied with my overall performance? not really, no. in hindsight, i feel like i definitely could have answered some of the questions more from a vantage point of pro-employer. like really hitting some of the key points i know they had maybe wanted to hear more of. i did answer really honestly and genuinely but, i am not 100% sure it was all useable responses.

ultimately, i feel as if i should have probably allowed them to lead more. in virtual settings it is a bit difficult to really gauge whether or not someone has fully come to the end of their sentence and/or thought so there were instances where i had spoken over without meaning to and i genuinely hope that that did not translate poorly.

you know, it is funny. for a while, it had felt like i was quite torn between all of my options but the fact that i have been sitting with this for the last hour and a half (or so) and am now writing a post about it really shows that i care so i would pretty much say that it is without a question that this is what my heart wants. however, it would have to boil down to the final offer. beyond the benefits and compensation, though, i definitely want to make sure that i do all that i can to fully ensure that this will be the last time in my life i ever (ever) have to endure all of this. and truly, the only way to make sure of that is (once again) to love the one that loves you in all of the ways that you want to be.