so beyond thrilled that i am now officially double dosed!!! it is super duper to feel accomplished and at the very least, that is one more big check mark on the 2021 scorecard for me! (the first was making it to a whole year single!) and i will say that i am currently holding out for one more at least. all things considered, i can honestly say that 2021 has not been the worst year for me personally and in fact, even when distance restrictions are lifted, i fully intend to continue living my completely contented homebody life.

my most recent epiphany is one that is related to interpersonal relationships. shocker.

as much as i enjoy nurturing friendships and building closeness, i have come to not only realise but wholeheartedly accept that it can never succeed when the effort is simply one-sided. with that, i will say that i have (finally) reached the point in my life where i have absolutely no desire to continue pursuing friendships and bonds with those who have, in time, discarded me, forgotten me, overlooked me and left me for last. ultimately, it is always sad when it is the end but death is inevitable.

i think about how people can have tendencies of becoming swept up and getting carried away by emotions—make these sweeping declarations of Forever. the truth is, Forever can feel so long and as far as me living life, i have been and i think i always will be, more marathon than sprint. (ironic, for sure considering i never did have the stamina to endure long distances when i had ran back in the day.)

of course, one might argue that it appears to be a conceited way of living but what is the alternative? to live constantly vying (begging) for attention? up until now, i had lived on that other end. now, it is time for me to switch sides and i have no apologies, no regrets.

truth be told, some friendships have ended up surprising me. for the simple fact that it had never really even crossed my mind—the possibility of them lasting. but suddenly, it is almost two decades later and here we are, still speaking on the phone well into the night and exchanging text messages that still have every ability to make me laugh out loud to myself in a darkened room at four in the morning.