i have just finished watching Elize Matsunaga: Once Upon A Crime and i personally think it is a load of crap. if you have not watched it and would not appreciate spoilers, this would where you would quit reading.

first of all, if it had really been an accidental murder, she would have just called the police and turned herself in right away. i do not know how a person could ever feel like it would make sense to not only kill but take the time and effort to dismember a corpse then decide to go with "it was accidental" as an excuse. i guess in the first place, she actually believed she would get away with the crime. and, again. i am really baffled as to why because she very clearly did not think it through well enough.

secondly, there had been so many red flags to this man.

when he had met her, he was still married. the fact that history repeated itself—i mean, come on. leopards will never change their spots. i think it is so blatantly naïve and frankly, stupid of someone to believe that a cheater will some day quit cheating. i am certain there can always be exceptions but the likelihood is really slim. what more, this elize character basically had all the answers right in front of her. if he was able to do it to the first wife, he was definitely going to repeat it regardless.

third. i really despised how all of his friends and family members kept saying "he was shy", "he was reserved" because the extent of them knowing him would not be the extent of knowing how he operated in relationships. and in fact, a lot of what elize and her friend had said of her ex-husband was how a couple of my exes were. on the outside, everybody would see different. "he was so quiet when we had met"/"he had seemed really shy." what nonsense, really. i have, to this day, text messages of the sort of emotional and verbal abuse i had to endure from all of these so-called "reserved" characters. it really is true that it is the quiet ones you have to be extra wary of.

the next point i will make is that every decision a person should make just has to be the one that is right for them. when she said that she was staying in the (shitty) marriage because she had not wanted her daughter to grow up without a father—well, what would be the point of having a shitty father? he very clearly did not care about being a good one and honestly speaking, it would not have made her happy to know that her mother was being abused and unhappy. i write this as a product of a severely unhappy marriage. i still wish, to this day, that both my parents would do what needs to be done to end their unhappiness. after all that has been said and done, i think they owe it to themselves to really be happy because i know that they are not and have not been for the longest time.

let me just say that i totally related to what she had said about the gaslighting and the emotional/verbal abuse. i am not discounting the fact that she was probably unwell mentally and emotionally but i do feel like she just should not have complicated things. i guess if she had not, she would have gotten away with it.

watching this made me realise that operating out of fear almost always makes what we fear come true. throughout the entire documentary, she keeps saying she had wanted to protect her daughter from all of the horrors she had to endure in her life. ironically, she ended up contributing to it past the point of no return. also, it might just be the most devastating fact of reality but there really is no such thing as a fairytale life. now, i think, the biggest red flag there can be in a relationship is someone who forces you to quit your job because the day you lose resources to survive independently is the day you are in fast-sinking quicksand.

more and more i am realising that my single status might actually be my salvation.