"you know your list is a lie, right?"


clearly, this zinger had come from someone who knows me well past surface level—i am really rather detail oriented and in a perfect world where everything happens exactly as i will them, every last nano detail would be specified, scrutinised and stipulated. now, i would not necessarily say that my list was a lie, i would maintain that multiple versions and edits are absolutely allowed and that this post will reveal the extended version (of my aforepublished list). ahem.


🧜🏿‍♀️ has a strong shared sense of humour.
my default coping method is humour. i guess you could say, i really like laughing. to me, it is my preferred way to get through dark and difficult times. hence, i am very easily drawn to people who have a strong sense of humour. being that i am such a big goofball myself, i know that i could never have a significant other who i am not able to laugh with.


🧜🏿‍♀️ articulate and ideally, is a polyglot.
for me, this is a quality that is supremely attractive. i find it to be a major turn-on for someone to be able to be completely fluent in the english language plus several more. it could be motivated by the fact that i am proficient in several languages myself. to a degree, i do regard it as a sign of intelligence.


🧜🏿‍♀️ possesses good teeth.
everyone who knows me know that the first thing i notice in any human being is their teeth. it cannot be helped. i do have an oral fixation and i am particular on oral hygiene. that said, it is clearly not that i subject the people i choose to interact and socialise with to any sort of oral assessment but, as far as attraction goes, i am definitely more inclined to be attracted to someone with a solid set of teeth—clean, (straight is a bonus), healthy—all present and accounted for over someone who does not. also, i have an olfactory inclination. meaning, i have a tendency to smell everything (i am strange, i realise this!) and breath is a big thing for me. ergo, bad teeth = bad breath. yeah, no, bye.


🧜🏿‍♀️ always smells good.
this ties in with my previous criterion—i smell everything. be it food, cosmetics, products like dishwashing liquid, detergent... when i say everything, i mean, even people. it is not so much the smell of perfume and/or deodorant that needs to "smell good", it is maybe more pheromone related. i genuinely do not believe i would be able to have a sustainable relationship with anybody i do not find to be good-smelling.


🧜🏿‍♀️ is not a vegan, vegetarian and/or a fussy eater in general.
i can understand not being able to consume one or two food items due to life-threatening allergies, i can also understand wanting to avoid certain food groups now and again. but what i cannot and will not subscribe to is someone who will make every meal time a taxing ordeal. i really, really love food and regard every shared meal as sacred bonding—if i am not a fan of you, you can rest assured that there will never come a time where we will voluntarily sit down to break bread. i also really enjoy checking out new cafés and/or restaurants and trying new food. and sure, i suppose it would not always need to be with a significant other but it would be nice to know that if there was a really great dish or meal i wanted to share/experience with my significant other, i would totally be able to.


🧜🏿‍♀️ not a smoker, an alcoholic, addict and/or have any other dependency issues.
this, i would say, is a little bit touchy. only because there are opposing views as to what would be considered a drug and/or dangerous substance, et cetera. i am fully aware of the arguments and i would like to be explicit—dependency is dependency. if someone were to tell me that he needs to drink one can of coca-cola every night before bed otherwise he would not be able to sleep, i would 100% consider that as a dependency issue. with smoking, i, myself, am a non-smoker. in knowing that it increases the risk of lung cancer, gives the smoker bad breath, causes teeth decay—why would that be something i need to accept? again, the purpose of a relationship for me is to build a life and ultimately grow old with someone. if a person has no care or concern for actually staying healthy and sticking around for as long as possible, then, i will not consider them a viable candidate for starting a relationship with. it is really as simple as that. would it be okay to smoke marijuana once in a while? that would depend on the definition of "a while." the bottom line is very simply this: if someone struggles to moderate their indulgences, they are not healthy. the end.


🧜🏿‍♀️ stellar in the kitchen and enjoys cooking.
it is honestly so sexy to me when a man cooks(!) i guess i am just a woman who enjoys being taken care of. i would gladly do the dishes every day. i would hope for my significant other to be an actual professional chef but, if he was just a happy home cook, i will take that.


🧜🏿‍♀️ not a compulsive liar.
i think that whenever this word is used, people tend to feel as if they have been painted with some scarlet letter and now deserves to be shunned from the world at large. this is not the case with me particularly. what i refer to as lying here is very simply: someone saying one thing and then doing the total opposite AND someone who has covered up the truth with some untruth. now, in the past, i have been somewhat guilty of this with significant others. i would often hide behind "i am going to sleep because i have had a long day and i am tired" in order to avoid conflict and perhaps, to some extent, mindless small talk. i.e. i would reply "nothing" when asked "what were you doing?" instead of saying, "i was watching two minutes of x show on netflix but then got distracted and started texting my friend instead." maybe everybody is a liar every now and then but the thing that i really fail to understand is the need some feel to compulsively lie. as i write this now, i feel that this characteristic actually freak me out a lot and warrants a red flag, for sure.


🧜🏿‍♀️ has (a) creative(s).
this can be rather broad and in fact, i have no preference for one medium over the other. i just find that people with a lean towards creative hobbies are sensitive and i find that massively appealing.


🧜🏿‍♀️ is openly affectionate but always respectful.
there are people i know who simply do not express any form of affection publicly. be it as simple as a pet name or holding hands—they find it unnecessary to "display" affection. obviously, i do not require anyone to stand in the middle of a busy lrt station and makeout with me but i am really affectionate so hand-holding, hugs and kisses when meeting/parting—these are pretty much must-haves for me. i like closeness and i have no qualms in making that clear respectfully. and very simply, being respectful would apply to everything—the environment/situation, the people present, who it is that is on the receiving end of the affection. to be clear, i would take no issue to my significant other hugging other females but. i would take issue to him calling his friends (and vice versa) "babe"/"baby."


🧜🏿‍♀️ is gentle/firm but kind.
i am never a fan of brute force and i do not see why there is ever a need for it. the more a person exerts force with me, the more i tend to naturally repel them. in the past, i have excused this and felt like i did just have to quietly tolerate it because "no one is perfect." but being as old as i am now, i have come to realise that someone who resorts to brute force to simply "get their way" is (severely) immature. as such, never again would i ever tolerate men raising their voice at me, speaking to and treating me crazy. and if there is failure to effectively communicate, it is then without question an unviable relationship.


🧜🏿‍♀️ my best friend in every sense of the word.
after a whole string of (failed) relationships, i have come to find that my intuition has improved by a long shot. everybody always says "trust your gut" and i, too, am at the front and centre of that team. funnily enough, your gut will never let you down and one of the biggest things i have come to find should come easy in a relationship that is right is feeling completely safe to tell/share your truth. i want a relationship where i know for a fact that nothing will ever be too big or too small or off-limits to have a conversation on and that my significant other will always make time to care, to hear me out and to communicate honestly and openly with me.


of course all the rest are pretty much no-brainers. i mean, who on earth would ever say "i would love to be in a relationship with a stingy, inconsiderate, rude person!"? frankly, i have never actually seen my wants as ridiculous or quixotic. learning that i am (quote/unquote) difficult has been a revelation to self taught by society.