i have really enjoyed the peace and ease of working from home. but the micromanagement is absolutely driving me up the wall. and this was one of my primary reasons for having sent an e-mail initially requesting to be opted out. then there was a phone call and well— here we are now. thankfully, though, it's only going to be one and a half more days of this torture. FINGERS CROSSED.

more and more i can feel myself desensitising as a human being in this role. it's pretty amazing now that i can jabber on disclosures masked as "regular talking points" totally nonplussed amid (and often, in spite of) insults, profanities and condescension hurled copiously on any given day. it's something that i no longer respond to, lash out at or even acknowledge. it's just a job, it's just a job, it's just a job.

stubbornly, i continue to quietly push myself to make good on my plan and owing to that, internal conflict rage relentlessly on. i find one part of me asking the other why it is so necessary to carry on like this— with this chip on my motherfuckin' shoulder and the other part of me begging desperately to grit my teeth, suck it up, keep my head down and keep pushing on because i guess i need this (now) to prove that i'm not going to always be a quitter.

but it's so. fucking. hard. not to mention, soul-shattering. and though there are some good days, i really have to be honest and admit that those are few and far between.

i know the grass is green where you water it. but some days, i'll be honest: i simply don't have much energy to muster up to lift the goshdarn watering can, homie.

if i could work from home minus the scrutiny of being micromanaged, i would be so glad to. but for now, i've had enough. and i'm going to know better than to put myself through this hell a second time. no, ma'am. never again.