the thought of getting back on a platform relatively more social has been crossing my mind more of late. i'm not sure what it's attributed to but maybe i feel okay enough again to re-appear into the world at large. for a long time it was just wanting to shut out all of the noise. although, i don't think i'd actually go through with it (read: the re-appearance). it's just too much effort and i don't think it'd matter to anybody else anyway.

it's funny how i feel about this blog. most days, i appreciate this little corner of the world wide web that's all me and all mine. some days, i get annoyed by how much work and energy it takes out of me. and other days, it feels so pointless because i wonder who's really, actually reading and what this is truly for. no one takes the time to leave me (a) comment(s) and there simply is nothing to gain by publishing post after post immortalising thoughts, feelings, stories, memories.

so what am i really after here?

a sense of community? some camaraderie? (Godhelpme) fame? fortune? accolades and recognition? gifts? what is the true Why? why do i keep paying a yearly fee to keep this dot com alive? beyond the fact that this is all me and all mine, what purpose does this domain serve?

for years and years and years, i was the strange kid in a corner scribbling in pages upon pages of notebooks. perfecting my penmanship was one aim but the other was simply to encapsulate the entire oceans of thoughts, feelings, stories, memories i always held inside of me. i wanted to capture everything, all the time. remember, remember, remember and never (ever) forget. and on the day i'd discovered blogging, i have never (ever) looked back.

it has been 19 years— close to two decades. i've never not had a blog. whether it was tucked quietly away or publicised, i've never, ever quit immortalising every thought, every feeling, every story, every memory whenever i've had time on my hands. and as much as it might be awfully uncool (and to some extent, embarrassing) to admit to being so painfully "old-school", the truth is that if i had to keep to having just one thing (read: platform) that i can safely sum up to be the truest representation of All Me And All Mine, it will always be my blog. even after all this time.