and on the second day of the new decade, 2020, this is what i'd busied myself with: utilising all my years of practise perfecting my signature signing. oh, this girl may be far (far) away from hollywood but at the very least, the practise has finally been good for something!

i didn't think that at decade season three of my life i'd be here. as part of a classroom exercise some 10 lifetimes ago, i'd landed on a fresh page in a notebook where i'd drawn a straight line to represent my life. "and now make markings on that very line for where you'd like to have achievements. don't forget to note your age and what those achievements will be." were the next set of instructions. and so i'd plotted.

17, spm. (check.)
goodbye, malaysia and hello, new york!
21, be done with school for the rest of your life. (check.)
26, be proposed to.
28, be married.
30, have your firstborn.
35, move into the dreamhouse your beloved husband has built you.

and beyond that, it was all just a straight line. never was it "part of my plan" to be here at 30. unmarried, no firstborn and not quite the dreamhouse but, hey. it's a start. and something i get to call my own. i'm terrified as hell and there are some nights i become completely gripped by the fear of not being able to make my repayments but according to sope agbelusi,
diamonds are created under pressure so, hold on.

big breath in, and into the abyss of not knowing we go. yippee ki-yay.