ordered my favourite pizza the other night and received a small note— it was sweet.

these days (it would appear), my life all but revolves around nothing else but work. with the great possibility of a home loan looming, i must admit: the future freaks me out. it's a combination of knowing that i'll finally be out from under the wings of my biological family and strapping on to a 35 year-long commitment. holy macaroni. 35 years. who's to even say i'd be alive past three?

it's lonely at work. i feel the effects of not having one constant fount of trust, support and companionship greatly. the more i hear of my batchmates openly proclaiming their intentions to leave once they've completed the required Time In Role, the more i begin to realise that it'll just be me that's eventually left. and it saddens me immensely. i guess i'll still always be the kid that feels far too much about, well, far too much. but i just can't help my heart.

some days i genuinely wonder what my life would look like now had i just made the decision very early on to be totally unapologetic about all the things i've ever wanted for myself.

would i actually be in new york now (still)?

and would i be happier?