all i ever seem to do these days is chide myself internally.

i keep starting drafts and leaving them (unfinished) and letting them sit for way too long then coming back to attempt to pick up where i've left off, re-reading and realising i absolutely hate the way i sound, the way i make everything sound; and hitting delete and pulling up a fresh new page... and the cycle just lathers, rinses and repeats. to sum: i've basically been sucking ass at pushing myself to keep up with updating this blog.

oh, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

these days, between sleeping whenever i can, waking for work and netflix-ing all other available hours, i mostly eat, sometimes do laundry and often think up post ideas, snap photos of things i figure could lead to good post (ideas) but end up never really completing any drafts or simply getting too sidetracked by pretty random finds in my (now overly cluttered) photo albums. by the time the weekend rolls around, i'm much too occupied with spending as much time as actually possible with my favourite human bean and rightfully so, i think. so in not so many words, what i'm really trying to say is that i feel like i've just been too busy being not all that busy. though, the reality of it all is that i'm getting older and my energy span's becoming increasingly limited and whenever i do have a moment to breathe or have some silence/solitude, it's far easier to numb out in front of a show off netflix playing on christmas than to emotionally unload onto a screen or wring my brain more with How To Construct Grammatically Sound Sentences And Stay Coherent Throughout Narrating.

...and the minute i'd popped that last period on there, even i am completely aware that all i've done is basically spun off excuse after excuse for my total lack of self-discipline and willpower. tut, tut.

right, then.

let's try this again.

i fell off this (blogging) bicycle for way more than a hot minute. and as much as i keep telling myself i'm doing all i can to get back on— i haven't exactly been exerting myself here. hence, today(!), i solemnly swear that i will do my very, very best to (at the very least) complete ONE draft and publish ONE post a week for this entire month, to start. and i promise i'll keep my promise this time. (meep!)