exactly 30 years ago at this time, on this date and day; i was recorded to have came into this wild, wild world. aren't birthdays just the trippiest thing? no? maybe just me then.

for years, the days leading up to this particular day would always be especially riddled with turbulence and what can i say— this year was no letdown. (what a true comfort to know that i can always count on good ol' Dread, Disaster and Doom, hey!) but in looking back, i think my pre-birthday week is more of a culmination. of who i was and who i have been. of the true lessons i've come to learn. of the things i've done and all that i've been doing. it's like a strange sort of internal skin shedding that is both painful but so beautiful (and necessary).

does the knowledge of my aging scare me? oh, without a shred of a doubt. there is something so utterly unnerving about the fact that i will some day be incapable to walk, run, climb and jump. (maybe even see, hear and talk. who knows?) but, i tell myself, this is what the here and now is for. aquí y ahora.

i used to live with this constant looming fear— holding my breath and bracing myself for when the bottom would bottom out. (because in my life, it always has and always does.) but after all this time, i've come to find that there will always be calm that follows each storm. and every time i wasn't sure i'd make it through, i have been rather pleasantly surprised.

so hello, new decade.

and hello, new (old) me.

truthfully, i am dance-around-the-room-in-nothing-but-socks happy that i am this girl still— the one who is young enough to want coca-cola and ice-cream all hours of the day and also the one who is old enough to choose an early night on any given day-off over partying all night, all over town. although, i'll never say no to a night full of dancing, i am perfectly fine when the music stops, the lights all come on and it's time to mosey on home.

i may now be three decades into life but i am still very much the glitter loving, mermaid obsessed, disney singing, happy dancing, Honey Stars eating, Vitagen drinking dork who will always want to talk, always want to learn and always want to know everything there could possibly be to know about all there is to know in the world.

i'm still the kid who loves too hard, laughs too loud and feels too much.

and nothing's going to change my world.