what a whirlwind week!

between the mundanity of daily routine, making time for friends and family, granting myself small fractions of leisure and, i guess, sleeping it has definitely felt like a whole month has come and gone. but march ain't over yet.

i've just came out of a meeting and learnt that the family dog was called back to the Lord this morning. momsy got the call at 0930. and here i am, at 1000, numb. i don't always understand the reasons for the things that happen– buddy was supposed to come home today. but i guess the Lord loved him better and just didn't want him to be in all this pain any longer. i'm mad because he spent his final moments in a dark, foreign place in solitude but i've just been informed that he'd passed in sleep so it was likely quick and the most painless way possible. i'm glad i got to see him, say a prayer and have my goodbye. i guess the only thing left to do now is to make peace but it is so, so difficult. my heart is extremely heavy and i'm questioning why i'm even doing this— sitting here at this infuriating desk-bound job. i feel shackled. cheated. maybe i'm just mad right now.

i can't think anymore. i've struggled through writing this entire post. writing, deleting, re-writing, re-deleting.

everything in this life just feels empty and pointless. the only thing to really do and be is happy in moments. fleeting pockets of time. to exist when you do. because the only thing that's truly promised is that everything's impermanent.