perhaps the greatest thing (and scariest sometimes) i've come to realise is that growth is infinite. the fact that this year will be the last year of my being a 20-something, there is definitely an altered sense of self. i feel a lot more assured in my character. i am now at a stage where i can confidently say, i know who i truly am. i know the things i encompass and i know all that i will stand for and all that i won't and most probably, never will. i am (so much) more rooted as an individual and it is unquestionably apparent that there might be a very large possibility that no one will ever know me as well and as deeply as i first know myself. and maybe that's just how it goes.

maybe, that's okay.

it's interesting to recognise how these days, what little friends i have left who are still invested in documenting their lives on the internet are the ones who are parents. i suppose when you're raising lives and nurturing human beings, you don't ever want to think you could potentially miss out on some development breakthrough. you simply can't. you couldn't bear it. and so it drives the urge to record as much as possible. but in my case, i suppose you could say its the same for myself and i. i realise i've been so different through each day of each month of each year and it has been both beautiful and unnerving simultaneously. yet, i find that i am utterly fascinated by, well, at the risk of sounding hopelessly narcissistic— me.

to be ever-evolving and to know that (and i mean, really know it) is incredible. maybe it's not quite as interesting as jotting down notes through firsthand observation of the evolution of a human life from inception to end but i know that even as i am 28 going on 82, i know that i am still learning every day (and bit by bit) to not simply embrace and blindly accept that this is who and how i am but to, more importantly, understand why i am the way that i am and what has formed me, how. i am wholly dedicated to this ceaseless study of self and vow to never stop getting acquainted with myself. yesterday, today and for all the tomorrows still to come.

it has been such a rush to discover through living life, the paradox that is being alive thus far. i am, at this exact moment, young enough to know that anything i want is simply not out of reach but old enough to understand that everything that happens is not really for me to determine. there is a time, a season, a reason, a process. and as scary as it is for me to relinquish control, i have come to realise that the best things can only happen when i really and truly let go and let God steer.

so if we're still talking resolutions 79 days delayed, i want to rid the fear— totally take my hands off the wheel and allow Jesus to steer.