it has been raining and raining and raining non-stop. these days, there is a permanent chill in the air and it totally feels like it is that time again for jackets, sweaters and pullovers, oh my!

today makes it officially two whole weeks of my being at this (new) workplace. to be totally truthful, it has felt like a literal rollercoaster ride. not only has there been no shortage of work, there has equally been no shortage of actors and cheap theatrics. so, here we go again. same shitshow, different circus.

being that i am typically downbeat on sundays, i had decided i would treat myself to a spontaneous self-date night. admittedly, i would not have minded company but doll was off the option list and (surprise, surprise) there was no one else available so, it was Forever Alone again for me. in hindsight, though, i am actually grateful that i had time to just sit in silence and gnaw food off sticks in the (extremely) cool night air. i could not have felt more far away from everything and everyone and in some strange way, it was exactly everything that i had needed.

with every passing day that i get to the end of completely on my own, it becomes truer and truer that i am not only entirely self-sufficient, i also miss being somebody's somebody less and less. in fact, i actually feel markedly happier and lighter because i am simply no longer ridden with the strange crushing anxiety that just seeps in and never leaves whenever i am in a relationship. i absolutely relish the fact that i no longer feel any ounce of forcible pressure to answer questions that i do not want to respond to, reveal things about myself that i wish to volunteer and above all, that i am not made to feel bad or guilty for going places, doing things, meeting people and being so completely and utterly myself. i am addicted to the liberation, i think.

out of the blue, i have been gripped by an anomalous caprice today; i think that from now on, whenever i am asked for my occupation, i will simply retort with "blogger." and maybe one day, i will have become so habituated to it that i will no longer cringe internally (or externally, for that matter). also, perhaps it will manifest to become the truth.

as part of my ongoing attempt at weight loss, i have decided to loosely adhere to a liquid diet for 14 whole days. i was not 100% successful today on account of my finishing off a half-pint of peanut butter and jelly ice-cream. however, in my defense, the ice-cream would have gone bad otherwise. i remain hopeful for the 13 days to follow and really, this is more of a personal experiment to discover whether or not i actually have it in me to abstain from solid food for a prescribed period of time.